Persnickety Me

Handmade

2009-01-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

I had grand ideas about creating handmade gifts for Christmas.
I actually ran out of time.

I was able to complete 2 projects for my BF Catherine's kiddos.

She always appreciate's the work that goes into the things I make, so it makes me soooo happy to do this for them.

The first project I started was Molly Monkey.

I found this pattern over at mmmcrafts and fell in love!

I made a few additions/changes of my own & am so happy with the finished monkey.

I made her a little birdie necklace.

I made her a hair bow that is attached with a snap, so it can be

changed out. (plus I'm not much of a hat girl)

I also made her shoes close with velcro so they could be changed as well.

Catherine was so cute...when we met to exchange gifts, she was afraid to let Gannon play with Molly because she knew how much work I'd put into making her...this is why I love Catherine.

I think Gannon & Molly were already planning their next big move...

I also asked her what her son wanted most for Christmas...without hesitation she said, "a mohawk, blue" not realizing that I would somehow, someway, figure out how to make one.

Since his mama won't actually let him shave & dye a mohawk...I researched & researched, until I had a plan to make him a mohawk beanie. After lots of yarn tying, hot water soaking & agitating...I was thrilled with the result!

and I think Logan was too!

Through the Viewfinder (TtV)

2008-11-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

So...I've been lurking over at Andrea's blog for several years now & have completely fallen in love with this form of photography that she has been working on...see her awesome post here.

I am now the proud owner of a vintage Argus Argoflex Seventy-Five. (purchased from eBay for a total cost of $6.99...can't beat that kind of fun!) I outfitted it with it's funky cereal box/electrical tape tube contraption & off I went.

I practiced on my best-friend's kids & wow was it tricky. The backward image, the awkward way you have to hold the two cameras, moving subjects, lighting issues...but it was SO MUCH FUN!

I think I'm hooked.

Happy Halloween!!!

2008-10-31T00:04:00.001-07:00

I really, really, really would love to get back into blogging.
The seasons are finally changing in Las Vegas
and soon we will be out of the 80 degree weather.
There is something about the cooler days that inspire me to write, reflect, & share.

My Avery is a hand full...actually two hand fulls wrapped up in a spunky little girl package!
I've recently experienced a rather unsettling version of deja vu...
My petite girl (she's officially only in the 3rd % for weight) was lying on the floor today...
Did I say lying...I meant flailing wrecklessly & releasing an ear piercing wail when the recollection happened.

I distinctly and uneasily remember doing the same exact thing
in the hallway of my childhood home.
So it is true what they say...and I will be paid back ten-fold...
She may not look like me, but I may very well have given life to my very own mini me.

Incredible Blog Slacker!!!

2008-04-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how I've neglected this space...

My only excuse is that I've been busy being a mom,

and quite a bit of time spent on my Etsy shop.

I miss this...

I hope to be back...

More pictures of myself & the little one,

I miss what an exploration & lesson s

elf portrait challenge can be...

must make time!

So...here I am.

Over a foot of hair cut off.

Donated.

I must admit this picture is so old,

I already have a new style.

Here's my sweet girl.

8 months now!

More pictures on our family blog (also neglected!)

SPC #35

2007-11-28T11:15:00.000-08:00

Wow...my first since April

We've gone through a whole season...

I've had a baby,

and am now a full time mom!

I'm still wearing summer clothes...

Things...they are a changin'!

AFTER pics soon...

Can you guess what it is?

Come one...Come all...Please!

2007-11-13T19:44:00.001-08:00

I'm very happy...and proud to announce that my Etsy shop is now open for business. I am slowly..very slowly, getting some of the goodies up that I've been imagining all these years while trapped in the corporate world. Being a full time mom is bliss and is allowing me to get back to the creative heart of my soul.....ahhhhh, it feels so good.

Come visit...let me know what you think!

It came & went...

2007-11-07T20:55:00.000-08:00

My girl's first Halloween!
My favorite holiday of them all
& I didn't even decorate...
some things just take priority,
like...
sleep,
playtime,
& craft time!

I'm working on something really, really
EXCITING!
The top picture is a little clue...
more to come.

The Sweetest Thing

2007-10-08T21:46:00.001-07:00

The girl can smile

Oh yes she can!

10 weeks old

sleeping 6-7 hours a night

happily breastfeeding

on the verge of laughing

Our girl is amazing!

What a ride...

2007-08-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

Birthday Information:

July 30, 2007

5:06 pm

7 lbs, 5 oz

18 inches

7 hours of labor

She's incredible, beautiful, strong, a miracle

I never thought it was possible to love like this

I never thought it was possible to live off this little sleep

I never thought I'd be this lucky...

more of her HERE

Whoo Hoo!

2007-06-28T10:51:00.001-07:00

So...I've done it!. I've completed all of my postcards for the Summer Postcard Swap. Although I've had a great time being creative and making something with my hands...and a little help from the sewing machine...I've made a mental note to not sign up for such a project next time I'm 8 months pregnant and in the middle of one of the hottest Las Vegas summers!

I had grand aspirations in the beginning and came up with the design for the felt ice cream cones, but after making 4 of them I realized, my baby was going to be here before I could complete them...I started from scratch with the flip flop design, which was much easier and I believe equally cute!

I hope all of the recipients love them as much as I do...I'm loving checking the mailbox everyday for my little summer treasures...thanks Andrea for organizing the swap.

SPC # 34

2007-04-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

April Challenge - The Body

This is 21 weeks of growing a baby

This is our little girl's first home

This is the beginning of ....stretch marks.

This is my belly,

round and full,

growing with each day...

I never thought I could love my body

as much as I do at this very moment.

SPC # 33

2007-01-09T13:44:00.000-08:00

January Challenge - "Resolutions"

I should be a little less lazy

I should eat a little less junk food

I should watch a little less TV

I should be a little less opionionated.

I should do a little bit more

and I should do a little bit less,

but I can't think of anything else

than this little bit of something

growing inside me.

It takes all I have to make it to work,

to make it off the couch to make it to the bed.

It takes all I have to eat something nutritional

when all I want is fast food & orange juice.

I am pregnant

and I am resolved to appreciate every moment

I am given with this blessing

to not dwell on our past experience

and have faith in the future.

SPC # 32

2006-12-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

December Challenge - "Red"

The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart." - Saint Jerome

It's growing...this secret of mine.

p.s. That's snow on the grass...snow in Las Vegas.

SPC #31

2006-12-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

December Challenge - "Red"

This little piggy has a secret...

Mish Mosh...

2006-11-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

alright... things have been a bit hectic around my world, and I've neglected my little space here... I'm really looking forward to the holidays and time to expand my blogging.

T to B, L to R:

I started making invitations to my Halloween party back in September. Halloween is right up there as my favorite holiday, any excuse to dress up and I'm there. I got this idea from Martha Stewart's Halloween magazine last year.
This is my first softie made at the end of September. The pattern is from this awesome blogger & crafter (Allsorts)
I took a solo road trip to so-cal for the one and only Gannon and her magnificent 1st Birthday party. Much fun was had! (bounce house, face painting, taco cart...and more)
On my way home I spotted this license plate and made a double take... I was giggling all alone and braved driving in california traffic, while snapping away with my trusty Nikon, just to see if anyone else saw what I did. (Best viewed at original size.)
When I got home from my trip I had my first coloriffic swap-o-rama package... it had the cutest handmade pin from Stephanie at A Wonderful Treat
Shortly after we went to Seany Man's 6th birthday at the park...another opportunity to jump in a bounce house and take in all of the silliness.
Finally the Halloween party was here... I spent entirely too much time decorating and planning, to the point that I wasn't really having much fun... but, my super cool brother made it to the party as Speed Racer and seeing everyone else in costume made it all worthwhile.
This past week I got to hang with my best girl Catherine which culminated with a suprise birthday dinner for her husband at Smith & Wollensky's and after dinner fun at the House of Blues Foundation Room... it was incredible, the view from the balcony was breathtaking, wish I was drinking.... but more on that later! :)

Coloriffic Swap-O-Rama - October

2006-09-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

I joined the Coloriffic Swap-O-Rama Flickr group this month and am sending out my first swap package today ... I hope my secret partner enjoys it! Can't wait to get mine!

New Banner ....

2006-09-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

courtesy of Joleen .... thanks!!

Overheard again...

2006-09-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

So... I guess I'm just a big eavesdropper because I've been hearing quite a few cute conversations lately... also, I have a lot of alone time and I enjoy soaking in everything that's going on around me...

Here's the scene ... shopping in a store (of course!) and two little boys, maybe 4 or 5 yrs old, were standing under a clothing rack while their mom was browsing.

1st boy: Have you ever seen people step on toys?
2nd boy: Yeah
1st boy: But have you ever seen toys step on people?
2nd boy: No
1st boy: Yeah...life's just funny that way...

I really needed that this week.

Like a Ton of Bricks

2006-09-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

Working in my office today I happened to look up at the calendar... something struck me about this week ... and then it hit me full force. Heart in my throat, gravity nearly collapsing my entire being... a year ago this week I was told that this miracle of life growing inside me was not going to live, that I was not going to hold her in my arms, that I was not going to be a mother. Today that pain took my breath away, like it was just yesterday. I cried for myself, I cried for my husband, I cried for my family... I cried for my daughter.

Tomorrow is a new day and a lifetime to follow, countless blessings to be had, moments to cherish...but this day I cried for a painful yesterday.

Searching for moonstones in Cambria, CA (4 mo. pregnant)

Overheard today ...

2006-09-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

While casually browsing through my local Old Navy today I overheard a most curious threat...

mom: "Damnit, If you fall out of that cart & hurt yourself, I'm going to spank you!"

I giggled a bit... then thanked my lucky stars that I had a mom that let me fall out of the cart to teach me a lesson ... no spanking involved ... a quick trip to the E.R. ... and you know what ... I never did it again.

Lesson learned ... Life hurts, don't make it worse by standing up in a shopping cart.

SPC #30

2006-09-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

September Challenge - "With Someone"

Girlfriends of all kinds,

near or far,

of all shapes & sizes,

ages & races,

truly make my life

worth living.

I love these girls!

more SPC here

SPC # 29

2006-08-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

August Challenge - Enclosed Spaces

This one was tricky...
didn't want to look like a crazy girl,
all alone on a plane.

Early morning flight,
too early for contacts,
or a real hair-do.
Could hardly wait to get home...
enclosed on an airplane.

SPC # 28

2006-08-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

August Challenge - Enclosed Spaces

Enclosed in these molecules,

Enclosed in these pills,

Enclosed in my hand,

Enclosed in my heart,

is hope...

Hope that one day,

if only for a short time,

a new life,

will be enclosed in me.

SPC # 27

2006-08-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

August Challenge - Enclosed Spaces

sleepy girl between the sheets

itty bitty nightie

dry lips need a drink

summer freckles fully exposed

SPC # 26

2006-08-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

August Challenge - Enclosed Spaces ... (with a twist)

We meet like this
nearly everyday
up & down ... rise & fall
slow & steady.

I know exactly
what button to push
to move you
where I'd like.

Reluctant to get off
in the morning,
I'd rather ride you
all day.

Can hardly wait
to hop on
in the
evening.

Smelling perfume or
smoke, I wonder...
who else have you
been with?

The thought fades
as you always
give me
just what I need.

Inspired by this ... challenged by this.

How am I going to fix this ...

2006-07-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that my heart fell out...yeah, just fell out. I don't specifically know from where it fell, but it landed in my hands, cold and solid, like an anatomical model straight from this exhibition (which I recently, with slight regret, attended).

It was a snapshot of a dream, no doubt intertwined with other absurdities of my subconscious, but made for a tense and restless slumber... not so much with fear, but a delirious state of concern with how I was going to get this lifeless heart back into my body...it must mean something.

Self Portrait Challenge # 26

2006-07-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

SPC - July Challenge - "Self Portrait as..."

As if... we were kids again...

giggles galore

funny faces forever

the best of friends

More Collage... Catherine & Logan

2006-07-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

I live to create with my hands...it takes my mind off everything else in my life and allows me to express myself, if only a fraction of what my mind envisions, but create nonetheless.

This is my very best friend Catherine and her adorable son Logan in the fish costume ... we just spent a super fun...and tiring weekend with her in CA...Disneyland, Santa Monica... (pictures to come). I sure wished she lived closer...

Collage

2006-06-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

I've been experimenting w/ collage using tips and such from this wonderful book by Claudine Hellmuth. Her style is quirky and I could hardly wait to try it with some of my pictures. I used a picture of my friends daughter for this one because I thought her pose easily elicited this "sweet" scene. More to come...

SPC #25

2006-06-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

This months SPC theme, Pop Art, has been super challenging for me...but has actually given me a project to do with Photoshop. I so badly wanted to create something incredible like this or this, but since this was only my second time to ever use the program...this weeks submission is what you got instead... as Roy Lichtenstein as I'm afraid I can be...

More SPC here...

SPC #24

2006-06-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

I'm too tired to really say much of anything...

Picture Book

A is for...

2006-06-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

Aloe Bloom

Animosity towards the pigeons on my roof. Not necessarily the fowl itself, but the filth they produce...I'm so sick of sweeping the drive everyday of the Avian muck that tumbles down. I know they need a place to live, but I'd prefer they just go away. I'm also incredibly Angry at the person who continues to leave miscellaneous food bits for pigeon consumption in the middle of my street. Undoubtedly this is to lure them away from their own home and subsequently flocks of the winged vermin have infiltrated my Abode...you could say I'm grossly Annoyed.

Abby...my name. I actually love my name, I don't know if I just got lucky and was given a name that fits my personality, or if my personality was formed because of my name. It's a little funky but not too crazy...just a little different. I was named after a woman whom my parents met at a party and they fell in love w/ the name ... then of course there's the Beatle's album Abbey Road.

Anxious about my life path ... where will I be in a year, 5 years. Will I have children, still be working, go back to school for my Masters, will tragedy strike? I know this is Absurd that I even Agonize over something I ultimately have no control over...but on one hand I'm Afraid I will make the wrong decisions and on the flip side I'm so sick of always making the right ones... I always choose the Acceptable or Appropriate way...when sometimes I just want to be completely Asinine.

Try a little Word Play today...it's quite Addicting.

Self Portrait Challenge # 23

2006-05-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

For the final post of May's SPC (Introduce Yourself), I decided to show exactly what I was carrying around w/ me in my purse. I think what a girl hauls around w/ her can say a lot about their character, what they care about, what's important. What does my junk say about me?

Click on the picture to see my flickr notes and what all these treasures are... it's been nice meeting all of you.

More SPC here...

Self Portrait Challenge # 22

2006-05-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

I am torn...my life is stagnant...I feel like I should make a decision.

Do I want to try to have another baby with what happened last year still fresh in my heart...

I am fickle..I excercise but don't eat right...I eat right then don't exercise.

I am restless...

I sun bathe when I know I shouldn't.

I like to take pictures facing the sun.

I am hot...I think I'll go for a swim...

Check out more SPC's here and here

p.s. when Esquire saw this picture he said it was a fake smile...I agree...it was nearly 100 degrees!

Self Portrait Tuesday # 21

2006-05-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am from hairbrushes and lawnmowers, from Scotch tape and string.

I am from a blue farmhouse, tended to with care, now neglected and worn...from crickets singing their lulling lullaby, and soft Delta breezes caressing my skin. From rolling green lawns and new baby chicks.

I am from the strong walnut tree that allowed us to climb and pillage...from hollyhocks growing wild along side my spirit. From the passion flowers lingering at the back door.

I am from peanut butter on pancakes and thick dark hair, from Lori & Steve, Neves, Holtsman, & Brower.

I am from anger & love, passion & pain. From gear heads, farmers, crafters, and homemakers. I am from creativity and ingenuity, hard work and sweat.

From, "your face is going to stay that way," and "I'll give you something to cry about."

I am from Our Lady of Fatima...from closet prayers and unspoken beliefs. I am from Karma and goodness.

I am from California sun, Portugal & France. From lamb chops and iced tea on a hot summer day.

I am from a car accident, a broken neck and limbs. I am from a fighter, a caregiver, & dreamers in love.

I am from dusty racetracks, county fairs, and mountain campsites. I am from memories that will never fade...

**************

Thanks lovegreendog for the inspiration...more Self Portraits here and here...

Self Portrait Tuesday # 20

2006-05-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

SPT: May Challenge - "Introduction"

This is a most befitting theme for me this month as I was introduced into this world exactly 26 years ago on this very day...that's right people, today is my B-day. Here are some random bits-o-info about Abby dearest.

My mom went into labor with me in the afternoon, but refused to leave for the hospital until her favorite soap opera was over. It was an easy delivery (30 minutes)...but a most persnickety child to raise.
I have my zodiac sign forever emblazoned on my back in the form of a tattoo (Taurus). Unfortunately, some have mistaken this as a symbol for the devil...such a pity!
I giggle every year when people sing "Happy Birthday" to me. "blah,blah,blah....Dear Abby"
I don't like birthday cake...but I could go for a good birthday cookie.

More May introductions here...

Self Portrait Tuesday #19

2006-04-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

I was not what you would call excited about Easter this year...I actually forgot about bunny day until a couple days before and my mother-in-law reminded me I was responsible for the appetizers. We went to church, I contemplated my faith that a man of flesh and blood rose from the dead, took a little nap, ate (of course!)...then the real fun began. My in-laws had bought these pop darts for our friend's kids...little did I know I was a pop dart phenom. So silly and so much fun. This is what my in-law's garden window looked like,,,I won't go into too much detail, but keep in mind we had to lick each dart to get it to stick...yummy!

More SPT April foolishness here and here...

I Love this Thursday...

2006-04-13T17:06:00.000-07:00

I think I might have said it before, but I am a huge fan of floaty pens...and alright, I'll admit this Thursday that I'm in love with floaty pens. If you don't know what a floaty pen is, it's a pen that the top half has a little sliding scene (mostly sold at tourist attractions, etc.).

I've been collecting them now for more than 15 years on trips I've been on, or if family members go on trips they're on the look out for me as well. My very first floaty pen was from Disneyland, and my most recent from Westminster Abbey in London. I'll keep collecting them as long as they're around but they're not as popular now as they were when I was a kid... so keep your eye out for me ya'll!

More Thursday love here.

Self Portrait Tuesday # 18

2006-04-11T21:50:00.001-07:00

You know what I do when I feel completely unoriginal? I make a noise or I do something that no one has ever done before.
And then I can feel unique again even if it's only for like a second.
So, no one's ever done that?
No, not in this spot. No. You just witnessed a completely original moment in history.
It's refreshing. You should try it.

-Sam: Garden State

If you've seen the movie you know what I'm doing...If you haven't seen the movie, you should...I'm not lying! More April foolish SPT here and here

Beautiful Sunday

2006-04-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

We truly had a Beautiful Sunday today... we walked around MonteLago Village at Lake Las Vegas and had lunch at Cafe Positano (a chicken brie sandwich w/carmelized apples...yummy!) It's a little shopping area/village that is supposed to look like Tuscany...if nothing else, it did a great job of making us feel like we were on vacation, at least for a couple hours.

Sweaty Thursday Love

2006-04-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

I am loving this heart pumping, muscle burning, sweat dripping, endurance testing, can barely catch my breath type of exertion. I am loving this so exhausted I sleep like a log and wake up refreshed state of being...this muscle aching, but aches so good type of feeling. I'm loving the zipping up easier, fitting a bit looser, lingering in the mirror a little longer type of days.

I'm molding this skin & muscle into the vision of myself I see in my dreams, I'm 10.2 lbs lighter with a wagon load to go, but I'm in it for the long haul...I want to feel 25 while I'm still 25 (only 1 more month!) I want to run and leap and cartwheel if I feel the notion to do so. I want my body to do as I say, not dictate my limits. I'm mostly loving this determination...

side note: I used to love this yellow Lucky Brand hoddie w/ "karma" embroidered across the front until I was flipping through the pages of the highly stimulating rag (People) and spied Kirstie Alley wearing the same exact hoodie...I didn't like it so much after that...I can't really say why.

More Thursday Love HERE...just relish in it!

Beautiful Sunday

2006-04-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

Today has been a gratifying, hard-working, sweat your you know what off type of Sunday. Even in this barren desert I am seeing new growth, planting new life, and hoping for a mild summer. We've potted Red Flax Grass at our driveway, Foxtail Fern in the entry, and this miraculous Australian Tree Fern in the shady sideyard. We shoveled rocks, moved rocks, dug holes, planted, watered, and stood back and enjoyed the fruit of our labor...the hammock is calling my name.

p.s. This is all after working out at the gym for an hour this morning...good thing I'm still young!

here

Bye Buddha Boy

2006-03-17T16:32:00.000-08:00

The little man's liver function took a turn for the worst and it would have been a much to painful road for us to lead him down.

I love you...and I'll miss you.

Running on Empty

2006-03-15T18:23:00.000-08:00

Thanks Kathleen for wondering where I've been...I'm glad someone out there is paying attention to my comings & goings. I've felt horrible that I haven't been posting, but I just have nothing, nada, I'm tapped out.

Working and living out of a hotel for a week in a different state is draining and uncomfortable. I feel like a fish out of water with the new job and I'm carrying around this unbelieveable sadness that I hide with all my being. I'm just waiting, hoping for something great to occur, for something I can say was the reason for this horrible thing that happened in my life. We found out today our pug, Buddha, has diabetes along w/possible kidney and liver damage , the options at this point are to put him to sleep or take care of an insulin dependant, sick doggy. . . I'm still waiting.

So...two good things...

1. I joined a gym and have been obsessed with going there. I took a body pump class on Sunday which rocked my world and yesterday met with my personal trainer (oh la-la!) and came up with a master plan to make me gloriously fit...or at least drop a few pounds.

2. I'm 25, have a college degree, and now have an office of my own...a name plaque and all.

I took this picture at 6 in the morning for fear that a superior would see me and think, "what the hell is she doing?" while reconsidering my recent promotion.

Time to hit the elliptical...peace.

Beautiful Sunday

2006-03-05T05:55:00.000-08:00

This beautiful picture is ushering up this desire to travel and discover and photograph and be creative. I'm leaving for Sacramento today and wasn't going to take my D50...but this changed my mind...a real photographer wouldn't be disinclined to carry along their heavier but incredibly superior camera just because she already had too many bags to carry... so here's to encountering something magnificent and beautiful this next week.

See more beauty here.

Things I love Thursday

2006-03-02T20:38:00.000-08:00

This is what I'm lovin' this Thursday...my loft workspace is shaping up...maybe I'll actually start crafting here?

See more lovliness here

Self Portrait Tuesday # 17

2006-02-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

SPT: February Challenge - "All of Me"

I am so glad that this is the very last post of this month...I try so hard to be happy and think happy thoughts and put happy images out there. I don't like presenting myself in any manner where I feel uncomfortable, unattractive, or vulnerable... but that's just it...that's life isn't it.

So this is me over the past two years, either taken by myself or by esquire himself. Pre-pregnancy, pregnant, and after losing her...on vacation, at home...dressed or otherwise (hee hee!) I am who I am, and I'm good with that, and I can't ask for anymore.

L to R, T to B:

-Sleepy Eyes (late night)

-New Haircut (the shortest ever)

-Sticking out my tongue at the White Cliffs of Dover (ultra attractive)

-Peace Out at Stonehenge

-Bathtub girl (*blush*)

-Fake smile in the bloody tower (Tower of London)

-Swim cap lovely

-Red hair & the dog

-Crossed arms morning sick in Monterey

-Posing pregnant in Santa Cruz, CA

-My only picture of my little one...and I guess the only picture of my uterus...

-My big 'ol mouth plus gum

-So important on the phone

-Internet addict (my hair is getting so long!)

-College sweatshirt and the doggy

-Waiting in the airport

-Bowling ball head in San Francisco

-Chubby cheeks (Coit Tower in the background)

-Pinky at Chinatown Gate

-Glary glasses on the way to a hocky game...chilly!

Things I love Thursday

2006-02-23T17:09:00.000-08:00

I don't wear much jewelry but these two items are a constant...I love,love,love them.

The Ring: I grew up hangin' out with my great grandmother, playing cards, crocheting a mean doily or what-not, and I always admired this ring. It's black onyx in white gold w/an inset diamond and was given to her by her parents in the 1920s when she graduated from high school. She passed away when I was 9 and I always wondered what happened to the ring...I never saw it again. On the day I graduated from college my grandmother presented it as a gift to me...

The Bracelet: This was a present from my best-friend...not for a joyful occasion, but a wonderfully kind gesture to ease my heartache. It's by a great artist (Amy Peters) and is a star which says "SHINE". It arrived in the mail shortly after I lost my baby... I can't explain how much it really means to me.

Self Portrait Tuesday # 16

2006-02-21T16:00:00.000-08:00

SPT: February Challenge - "All of Me"

Is this road rage? maybe a convulsion? no. . . it couldn't be. . . singing, could it?

Let me just say you all are lucky this is Self Portrait Tuesday...and not Self Vocal Tuesday. I absolutely love to sing...loud or soft, low or high, pitchy or otherwise...I will belt it out like my life depends on it.

On this particular day I was performing my rendition of Kelly Clarkson's "Since U been gone" and I believe I was midway through the "yeah, yeah" portion of the lyrics...can you imagine the scene...me driving (probably haphazardly) screaming at the top of my lungs all while taking my own picture with a big 'ol honkin camera? You absolutely gotta love the depths we'll travel to in order to capture the essence of "me"...

May I also point out my disgustingly dry lips in serious need of some form of balm.

More incredible pictures here.

Beautiful Sunday

2006-02-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

Today is a particularly sad day for me...but I have this Beautiful Sunday...

Wednesday Memesday

2006-02-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Guilty Pleasures

Flowers: Fresh flowers come at a premium in the desert so it's such a treat for me to buy a beautiful bouquet of wild flowers and give them their own space to reside on the kitchen table. I could just sit & stare at the uniqueness of each flower for hours as I lovingly arrange them to coexist with one another. There's something simple, naked, and sensual about flowers to me...they are as they appear, the glorious orchid, the cheery gerber, the romantic rose, or the shy yet seductive calla lily.

Pedicures: I've met many people who've told me they can't stand it when strangers touch them, or even hug them...but I say, I'll let anyone rub my feet, massage my back, or tousle my hair who's ready & willing. Human touch is important to me, it's relaxing and comforting. The best part of a pedicure is not only do you get a thorough leg rub down, but you leave with fabulous girlified toes and nice soft feet.

Containers: It may sound odd, but I have a container obsession. Anything that can hold anything is my infatuation. Ikea and The Container Store are my Mecca...jars, bottles, boxes, bags, cans, cups, baskets, and tins. Even if I don't have something to fill the container, I will buy it with the idea that I will, sometime in the future, have a need for said container...isn't this crazy!

Name Brand Cleaning\Beauty supplies: OK, let me explain... I grew up in a household where we couldn't always afford the best of things, and when we could, my mom was too frugal to splurge. I grew up with generic brands which for me meant crunchy towels, and not so spring fresh laundry, cleaning windows with Windokleen and old newspaper, and washing my long hair with all-in-one product...ouch! By no means am I a snob, etc. and I am aware of the tricks of advertising and marketing, but I know a good product when I use one. I feel guilty sometimes when I buy these products, but it is such a treat for me, so in a way I'm glad I grew up without them. I know I don't have to have them, but that I'm lucky I can afford them.

Cadbury Eggs: Easter is coming...Easter is coming, and specifically I mean...CADBURY EGGS ARE ALMOST HERE!! For as long as I can remember I have relished at the thought of biting into the ooey gooey sugary goodness of this completely unnatural milk chocolate concoction (at the risk of lapsing into a sugar induced coma and all!) I'll allow myself one, just one.

Incredible Coach Bag: I have never owned a purse that cost more than $30...I prefer to shop at TJ Maxx or Target for such an accessory. One day while in Seattle for business, I happened to walk past the Coach store and henceforth became enamored with what I consider to be a work of art in leather. I happened to mention my new found love to esquire himself and guess what this little girl got for Valentine's Day! I did not see the bill, I did not hand over the plastic, so I will accept the gift in the most gracious manner I can....WHOOO HOOO!

Self Portrait Tuesday # 15

2006-02-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

SPT: February Challenge - "All of Me"

So...this is me this week, exhausted, sad, confused. My daughter would have been born this week and I can't stop thinking about how different my life would have been. This would have been her room, this would have been her dresser, these would have been her clothes... If I could, I'd like to just curl up and shut myself away in one of the drawers in hopes that when I come out, everything will be normal again.

Self Portrait Tuesday # 14

2006-02-07T05:57:00.000-08:00

SPT: February Challenge - "All of Me"

A Portuguese girls gotta do what a Portuguese girls gotta do... So here I am red faced and shiny after a facial wax. I'm sure there's a million people out there that do it, but I've always been embarrased to admit this vanity...sure I'll fess up to waxing my eyebrows, but what woman wants to talk about the fact that they have unsightly facial hair?

I can't help it...it's in my gene's! I suppose if we ever enter into another Ice Age, I may survive just a bit longer than another less pileous being... Another issue I have with this picture is the slight double chin, but we'll just say that I'm working on that issue.

I'll admit that I'm easing myself into this months challenge. My face is my favorite part of my body. I will linger in front of a mirror if that's all I see, but will avoid all unnecessary contact with a full length mirror...the next weeks should be interessting, we'll see if I expose myself further.

Photobooth Friday # 2

2006-02-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

This was when I was about 13 years old and we were at a movie theatre...it was a polaroid photobooth which I thought was pretty cool. I think we were up to no good...fun times!

Self Portrait Tuesday # 13

2006-01-31T20:17:00.000-08:00

Whew...the last pic for Personal History month on Self Portrait Tuesday. I chose this picture for two reasons. The first is that I felt guilty about my first post of the month where I discussed my relationship with my brother. I didn't want to leave the impression that he's anything but an incredibly kind person who I was privledged to grow up with...we certainly never had a dull moment!

The second reason for choosing this pic is simply that it makes me laugh. The thing that cracks me up about this picture is that it was taken in January, but I'm rip roarin' ready for Halloween...I always loved to dress up!

See more Self Portraits here and here

Collage # 3

2006-01-30T06:46:00.000-08:00

click on image for best view, and see more collage here and here...

The Waver

2006-01-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

I see him every time I drive through this intersection and I think he is great. He waves and smiles for at least 8 hours a day and is just gosh darn jovial in appearance. Here's the thing...I always wave to him, every time I pass by, and Mike thinks I'm antagonizing him. Maybe I did giggle the first couple of times I waved, but I think it was that I felt odd waving at a complete stranger on a regular basis. In my mind I'm simply reciprocating his wave, even though he's not necessarily directing his wave towards me...and I'm going to keep doing it, because I think his grin gets just a tad wider when he sees me wave, and that makes me feel good.

Photobooth Friday #1

2006-01-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

I only have two photobooth pics in my life collection and this is one of them...I'll have to search out photobooths in my town as I never recall seeing any...

We just took this in December at the Exploratorium in San Francisco...they're a bunch of little stickers...I think it's a little creepy.

Thanks Andrea for the great idea!

Self Portrait Tuesday #12

2006-01-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

These are the two lovely creatures of which I am the offspring. This picture was taken Halloween of 1978 and it has always been an intrigue to me. My brother was 2 years old and I was but a twinkle in their eye...I imagine what fun my mom must have had concocting such costumes, how they might have laughed getting ready(I can't believe my dad let my mom paint his face!), and what sort of trouble they got into at the party. Another mind bender for me is that I am the same age now as they were in this picture...I just always remembered looking at this picture as a kid thinking how cool they were, going to a grown up costume party and all dressed as some sort of KISS spider creatures. I still feel like a kid, waiting for my day to come...I actually hope it never does...I like feeling this way!

More SPT here and here.

Belly Up!

2006-01-20T17:03:00.000-08:00

Oh...sweet Seattle, I could barely stand to leave knowing there are at least 279 more kitschy corners of your town I've yet to stumble upon. By some mastery of my constant maneuvering mind, I managed to turn a business trip into a menagerie of exploration with an almost equi-ratio shopping to working experience.

I forged my way through rain & muck... & although it was treasure I sought, I found something a trillion times more important...an aspect of my life I'd completely forgotten. In every shop, bar, or booth I entered I conversed with any English speaking being who seemed willing (with the exception of one non-lingual canine cutie!) and I remembered how fulfilling it can be to share and listen with a complete stranger. I realize how small my world really is and that there are so many interesting, creative, and genuine individuals out there. I see crime and cruelty on a daily basis in the news, but forget that this is not what makes up our world. Our world is made up of these people, simple and complex, beautiful and not so, intelligent or otherwise, but kind-hearted, chivalrous, and real.

I remembered how it feels to rely on myself for everything I need, terrified of being my own navigator on streets unknown. Dining alone is more then a humbling experience, but an experiment in human nature, it's been a long time since I sat in the bar area alone!

More than anything I missed my dear husband...his kind heart, glowing smile, and warm body next to mine at night. He is my constant, my friend, my love. If I could only really be the person he imagines me to be, I would be a magnificent lady!

Places Visited this trip:

Pike Place Market - ate here...yummy, loved this of course!
Seattle IKEA in Renton a.k.a. mudslide city.
Super cool stores in U Village - like this shop, and this, and especially this! had fun noodles and a beer here (I needed to chill out after a hard days work of course!).
I love this store at Bellevue Square...oh how I wish we had one here. Incredible lunch here, right down the street from the office.
Had too short of a jaunt to the Fremont district, not much daylight this time of year. Super cool store there called Burnt Sugar...no website.

Self Portrait Tuesday # 11

2006-01-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

This is simply my favorite picture of my child self and I had to choose it for SPT. What more could a little girl want than an impossibly cute outfit (topped of with a matching crayon hair band, of course!), a day at the fair, and her very own pony ride? My mom loves this picture too, she calls me her little sparrow...mostly because of the way I scrunched up my face like this when I smiled.

I was 3 years 10 mo. in this picture and even at a young age in my life, it was a pivotal moment. Several months later, my father was in a car accident in which he broke his neck and was paralyzed from the neck down. I remember the day my mom got the phone call and I can still feel myself latching on to her leg as she erupted into a panic of fear and sadness. This is my earliest memory in life...

My father is an incredibly strong-willed, physically & emotionally, man and with the grace of something or someone greater than ourselves, he regained feeling in all extremeties and went on to learn how to walk again, tie his own shoes, feed himself, all at the age of 31. To this day he is the strongest man I know and has taught me priceless life lessons, notably to work hard with determination and a well laid out plan and I will get what I want in life.

Stress Relief

2006-01-12T21:10:00.000-08:00

This made me feel particularly at ease today... I'm having sort of a rough road emotionally and...ta-da I was given a promotion at work and I start a completely new job next week with a huge set of responsibilities. I'll be training for a week in soggy Seattle, then in West Palm Beach for a two day meeting, discussing topics which I have no clue about, and undoubtedly will be sitting there with a deer caught in the headlights type stare...

I had two funky things happen today, in order of occurrence:

I was jolted awake first thing by an unsettling dream which placed me in an elevator with two other people (a man and a woman, but I don't know who they were). I entered the elevator on the 11th floor and the man hit the 1st floor button, directly after pressing the button there was a snapping sound and the elevator proceeded to plummet for what seemed like an eternity. I fell to my knees with a death grip on the railing and began to beg God to forgive me of all of my sins, not being a very religious person this was an uncharacteristic outburst, but felt oh-so appropriate. I can't shake the torment I felt at that point, or the notion that I wasn't necessarily afraid to die, but that I was afraid to die with this unknown,unforgiven burden on my back...I awoke before we hit the bottom.

Around noon I felt this incredible urge to wipe clean my proverbial slate. The best way for me to describe this feeling is that I would feel so much better if I could remove all of the contents of my brain for the last couple years, give them a good scrub down, toss some of them out, and put the valuable ones back in. I feel like a car driving down a fog nestled road with no signs or lights to guide my way, like a lunch box packed full of junk food, and no room for anything healthy, like a game of Tetris on expert mode, but I've lost my control...

I must be losing it!

Self Portrait Tuesday # 10

2006-01-03T22:47:00.000-08:00

Then & Now

Self Portrait Tuesday - January Challenge: Personal History

All my life I wanted nothing more than to be my brother's friend. I always tried so hard, but he, being almost 4 years older than me, and completely cool, was not all that accepting of my attention. When he had his friends sleep over I would sit in his doorway and listen because that wasn't necessarily part of his "room", but then he'd slam the door in my face. Once, I begged him not to go on a ski trip with his friends because I didn't want to be alone for the weekend, of course he went. At our grandparents home he would see how fast he could skate around the block, and each lap I'd have a glass of water waiting for him, just because I thought he'd like it. I never got a glass of water when I tried...

The sad part is we don't really talk all that much anymore. He has his life, and I have mine. Maybe aftertrying for so many years, my heart just gave up on the quest. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and I think he is a wonderful person. We just have absolutely nothing in common, and are lacking a strong bond that most siblings have. I wish things were different, but I can't say it was for lack of trying.

Can it be so?

2005-12-31T00:30:00.000-08:00

"A rolling stone gathers no moss"

-Publilius Syrus

Although this year is slowly nearing an end, I find myself gaining momentum. It has been a rough road thus far with several potholes & roadblocks. . . one major traffic jam in particular. I've realized that life is what we make it, that the quality of my my day/year/life will not be determined by anything other than my attitude each morning. I struggle with many distractions in my life and am learning to trust my instinct to guide me towards the correct path.

I'm hopeful for a completely felicitous new year. . . to outwardly become the person I truly am, to do the things I so desire. I'm inspired creatively by incredibly talented people to craft with my hand & my heart. I'm inspired by friends & family to love freely and to believe that broken hearts will mend and that I'm not alone...ever. So I will keep rolling, through this new year, and many to come.

Feliz Ano Novo!

Lucky Me

2005-12-28T23:11:00.000-08:00

Not only did I just get back from a fabulous trip to San Francisco, but we got to go on a shopping spree today thanks to the wonderful invention of the "gift card".

Check out these fun shoes I bought... I'm not much of a "real" shoe person. By this I mean an actual enclosed-toe supportive/functioning shoe. Living in Las Vegas, I much prefer the flip-flop to keep the little piggies cool & calm. Since it's now our "winter" season in La La Land I figure it would be prudent of me to purchase actual foot apparel so as not to appear. . . homeless.

Self Portrait Tuesday # 9

2005-12-27T21:49:00.003-08:00

Red door in the Marina District...I loved the character of the color, the old handle, even the security mesh!

The building that belonged to the red door...I wonder what sort of curiosities the former business contained?

A funky garage door in San Francisco. I can tell Mike was looking around, hoping no one was watching his crazy wife taking a picture of herself in a random garage door...

Storm drain in Nob hill. I'm the triangular blob of a reflection at the bottom in the water.

I couldn't help but post all 4 of my Self Portraits this Tuesday. We had a unique Christmas in San Francisco with all the sights and sounds of the city which we are completely unaccustomed to. I was glad to have the new camera to capture our adventure.

Self Portrait Tuesday # 8

2005-12-20T06:25:00.000-08:00

Happy early Christmas to me! My company is so generous to give what's called "gainshare" each year, and this is the first year I was able to spend a good chunk of it on myself, hence the new Nikon D50.

This weeks SPT is my reflection in my monitor @ work, this is what I look at for the majority of my day... it makes me somewhat self conscious. Like I'm being watched by someone, but hey, that's me in there!

Self Portrait Tuesday # 7

2005-12-13T00:30:00.000-08:00

I was actually fussing around with my hair before going to bed...I've been growing it out & wanted to see if I could get it into a french braid. I added the flower and thought it would be perfect for this weeks Self Portrait Tuesday - Reflection. Mike said I looked like a ballroom dancer. (aahhh, swooning, ok...) It became increasingly interesting to me because I never actually see the tattoo on my back... it scares me a little, who did I think I was? But then again, I am a Taurus.

Words that made me smile this week

2005-12-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

Self Portrait Tuesday # 6

2005-12-06T06:56:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love this months challenge for SPT...Reflection. When you really look, you see that our image, in every shape and form, flattering or otherwise, is all around us. In door knobs, dividing walls in public bathrooms, puddles, paintbrush handles, cellophane packages, your lovers eye (if you get close enough!). It's a fun game to play...

Good Stuff...

2005-12-01T23:16:00.000-08:00

Thanks Andrea for this super cool link!

Self Portrait Tuesday # 5

2005-11-29T06:22:00.000-08:00

This is obviously not a huge feat of photography, but it's taken all of the will that I have to post this picture of myself for Self Portrait Tuesday. I am about 4 months pregnant and on vacation in California. This was to be our last vacation as a couple.

I thouroughly enjoyed the short time that I was pregnant. I was content with my growing belly, whereas any other time I would be completely disgusted with myself. I didn't mind the backaches, nausea, or any of the other wonderful gifts of pregnancy. I was just so thrilled to be creating this miracle inside me. I was waiting every day, every moment to feel what I knew for sure was the baby moving.

Shortly after returning home from vacation, at 18 weeks, we lost our baby. It is truly difficult for me to even look at this picture, a million thoughts run through my mind. What would I look like now, in my third trimester, if I were still pregnant? What would my delivery have been like? What would we have named her? Would she have looked more like me, or Mike?

At the bottom of my barrel of thoughts is a grain of hope. I look at this picture and know that I will be pregnant again, that I will have all of those questions answered. I'm thankful that I have this one picture of my pregnant self, not that I could possibly need reminding, but to know that I really was pregnant because sometimes it all seems like a terribly tragic dream.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

Wednesday Memesday

2005-11-23T23:08:00.000-08:00

20 Random things about me:

The only things I really collect are floaty pens.
I have an extra rib that extends into my collar bone.
I got a tattoo on my back when I turned 18 that I secretly hate but won't admit it was a mistake.
I slept with my "blankie" until I was 23
I refuse to eat any meat on a bone.
When we were kids my brother had a 50 in One Electronic & Chemistry set. I licked the miniature spoon that you measured the chemicals with and I've always been afraid that I somehow altered my molecular structure or something kooky like that.
I delivered triplet lambs when I was 14. Stuck my arm up there to pull them and everything.
That same year I was Portuguese Queen of California and danced in a Portuguese dance group.
I always thought I was adopted because there is not a single picture in existence where my mom is pregnant with me.
I got frostbite on my big toe on the right foot. There's still a numb spot on the bottom.
I'm horribly afraid of the dark & will run from one room to the next turning lights off & on.
I can win a game of solitaire on the computer in less than 60 seconds.
I was a waitress at Denny's when I was in high school.
I failed my driving test two times.
My first car was a 1983 VW Rabbit convertible & I had a license plate frame that said "You should see me with my top down" Was I serious?
I once ran into someone's mailbox with that car when I wasn't paying attention.
I've taken the equivalent of 5 years of Spanish, but don't speak a lick.
The due date of the baby I lost is my Mom's birthday.
If I get into bed after Mike's already asleep, I kiss him on the head and rub his back to wake him up...just because I'm ornery.
I am super frugal. I will walk around a store with 5 things in my cart, then talk myself out of all the potential purchases and leave with nothing after an hour.

Self Portrait Tuesday # 4

2005-11-22T07:34:00.000-08:00

Completely embarrasing...no one in my little universe knows I'm this lazy (except my husband & parents of course). Yes, I'm in this picture otherwise it would defeat the purpose of SPT, but the important bit is the inanimate objects in the picture, and why the heck I can't just put something away when I'm done with it?

The sad part about this is that I had to do absolutely no arranging whatsoever. This is in fact what my bathroom countertop looks like. Yeah, I'll pick it up every couple of weeks, but it always ends up in this total state of chaos. The bizarre thing is that my desk at work looks like it belongs to someone with a severe case of OCD. Every envelope meticulously lined up, papers neatly stacked, no mess whatsoever.

I told Mike someday he's going to leave me when he's completely fed up with taking care of me. He said he'd never do that, that he'd just hire a maid. . . a hot maid!

Collage #2

2005-11-20T23:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish that I would just keep quiet.

Self Portrait Tuesday #3

2005-11-15T06:57:00.000-08:00

This weeks Self Portrait Tuesday is me in the bath with a little imagination added. In the winter months I love to take a nice hot bath to take the chill off (not that it gets that cold in Las Vegas). And I try to use the time to calm my ever wandering, planning, stressing mind.

I've always known that when I'm making plans and have something to look forward to is when I am most happy. I've noticed lately that my planning has turning into wanting, into obsession. Whether it has to do with something tangible or otherwise, I can't stop thinking about how bad I want it... a new purse, a fresh start, a different style, a home in a different neighborhood/city, a little self control, a purpose, new carpet, to be taken seriously. I want, want, want, and what I'd really like to do is just lie in this bath, quiet my mind, be thankful for the abundance in my life, and simply want for nothing.

Self Portrait Tuesday #2

2005-11-08T19:49:00.000-08:00

I chose to take this weeks Self Portrait for SPT in bed because I've been spending quite a bit of time here. It has been my sanctuary... After seeing this picture in its full glory I realized the following:

I love the shape of my eyebrows
I didn't know I had so many freckles
I should probably take my earrings out before I go to bed
I think I'm beautiful (even @ 6 am), and I'm proud of that.

What does this say about my identity? I believe this:

We have a king size bed because even though I'm married, I must have my own space
I sleep in a camisole & bottoms, not in the nude, because I'm not completely comfortable in my own (bare) skin.
I'm lucky to have smooth olive skin thanks to my Portuguese heritage. For the most part, this is what I look like since I don't wear makeup.
I'm childless, hence the ability to fuss around for a good part of the morning trying to take a self portrait.

Collage #1

2005-11-07T22:24:00.000-08:00

I've been inspired creatively by many wonderful blogs out there. Collaging has always seemed like something I might like, but had never even tried before, so . . . here's my very first. I can't begin to explain the inspiration behind this particular collage, it just wouldn't make sense. I can say it felt simply liberating to complete it.

A Google Game

2005-11-04T00:21:00.000-08:00

I've seen this on several other blogs & got a kick out of it, so here's my top 10 "Abby Needs" as discovered on Google

- ABBY needs to go on some good walks so she can trim down & look her best.
- ABBY needs $49.27 to buy new rollerblades
- ABBY needs to learn to behave
- ABBY needs facial reconstruction surgery
- ABBY needs satin sheets and silk pajamas
- ABBY needs help with her medications
- ABBY needs to know that she will NEVER be abused
- ABBY needs a snack
- ABBY needs 24 hour care
- ABBY needs to buy her own motorcycle

This could go on forever, but these made me laugh, and that's just what I needed today.

I am fortune's fool

2005-11-02T10:32:00.000-08:00

Today I opened a fortune cookie that contained no fortune. I was struck with an uneasy pang of, well, emptiness. Is it possible this is more than just a flub at the factory? Or maybe sometimes a cookie is just a cookie...

Self Portrait Tuesday #1

2005-11-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

My very first Self Portrait Tuesday. I recently lost my first and unborn child after carrying her for 4 1/2 months. These magazines continue to come in the mail and are a constant reminder that I was just on the verge of being a parent...almost a mother.

Random Observation

2005-10-31T08:20:00.000-08:00

Every day I travel the same road to work, and most days I see the same cars, the same drivers...doing their makeup, drinking their coffee. One car & driver combo struck me silly this morning.

The car: Early 90s Jeep Wrangler, rusty red but mostly covered in dirt from what I assume to have been multiple muddy adventures, soft top with sides removed, equipped w/ winch, etc.

The driver: Early 30s, strong faced (scruffy), mountain man type. Flannel shirt, jeans, & boots. I get the sense that he may not have showered in the last 48 hours, yet...

The funny thing is, for at least 5 minutes straight, he primps himself in the rear view mirror. He fusses with his hair, puts on chap stick, fusses with the hair some more. It made me giggle that he looked like he had just rolled out of a 2 week camping trip, but put more effort into his "look" than I ever have...

I'll try & snap a picture of him this week

It's been awhile. . .

2005-10-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

Where do I even begin. . .I don't know who "they" are, but supposedly "they" say when you go through something traumatic or sad, you should write down your feelings...even if no one will ever read them. I don't know if anyone will read this, but I suppose that's beside the point.

As most stories begin, ours was filled with hope and pure excitement. We found out on our anniversary (June 15th) that we were going to be parents. I was up at 5am, snuck in the bathroom by myself to take the test, I just had a feeling. I thought it would be the best anniversary gift I could give. I couldn't contain my glee and woke Mike up shortly before 6am. It was absolutely surreal...he asked me to take another test before we left for work, I did, positive.

The first trimester of my pregnancy was mostly uneventful besides the weight gain. I had bouts of nausea, but no real sickness. I missed sleeping on my stomach, but I didn't mind, what a small price to pay... The planning began, what would we name this child, how would I decorate the room, and of course, was it a girl or boy? Doctor Appointments came & went, nothing of concern, my OBGYN even said we were "perfect". She sent me for routine blood tests & suggested we have a Maternal AFP screening done (this tests for Down Syndrome and other genetic disorders), we figured, why not?

Six days later we found out that we were having a girl, and that she also had a severe Neural Tube Defect called Anencephaly. The Perinatologist described the condition as "incompatible with life". I sat there on the table, heart beating, tears gushing, but my life stopped for that brief moment. It was complete anguish, a million questions and no answers. I know you shouldn't, but I felt sorry for myself. . .why did this happen to us? I was devastated for Mike, he was so strong.

It's been 5 weeks now since we ended our pregnancy and the wound is still fresh. Shortly before we found out about our baby we had taken a road trip in California. Mike had taken several pictures of me proudly displaying my expanding belly. . .I haven't been able to look at the pictures. Walking past the room which would have been the nursery brings tears to my eyes. I'm slowly starting to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes and we're looking toward our future.

Our first post-op appt was yesterday. The Dr did an ultrasound and said my uterus is healthy and cleared us to try again after 3 cycles. So there it is, to acquaintances it's like nothing ever happened, but to me this baby substantially altered my entire reality. . .do I consider myself a mother? If I meet someone new & they ask if I have kids, do I say I did have a baby that didn't live? All I know is that for the 18 weeks she grew inside me, I loved her like no one I'd ever loved before. I can only hope that there is a heaven and that my darling girl is watching over us.

Eureka!!

2005-04-08T20:15:00.000-07:00

Finally...I was successful at donating blood. I did have somewhat of an odd reaction, I kept sweating, and sweating. . .and, you guessed it, more sweat!! Yuck, my legs were actually glistening. I did it though, and no show tickets this time...but I was absolutely proud to wear my "I'm a Hero, I donated blood" sticker!

2005-03-27T20:11:00.000-08:00

Me & Mom (freezing in Utah!)

2005-03-27T20:09:00.000-08:00

Me & Mom (Easter)

One of these things is not like the others

2005-03-21T22:09:00.000-08:00

This must have been the leper version of Barrel of Monkeys?

Sites I like to look at. . .

2005-03-20T11:52:00.000-08:00

Gravely Gorgeous
Earth Calendar

Happy Birthday Logan

2005-03-19T21:35:00.000-08:00

Catherine's baby Logan is celebrating his first whole year of life today and we were able to share in the festivities. We made it to Murrieta, CA in 3 1/2 hours and had a great weekend with the Lara's and family. Their new home is absolutely gorgeous, commodious yet quite homey and comfortable (it slept 11 just fine). I wish they didn't live so far away, as I miss my best friend, but it was nice to get out of town and have a change of scenery. Hopefully I'll be back soon for a girls (and baby) weekend!

Japanese shot on the way to Murrieta

Napping with baby Logan

Lara Family

1st Birthday cake

yummy!

Logan. . .you're not that old yet!

Spring Cleaning

2005-03-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

my side

mike's side

What else would a perfectly normal person do on their weekend than neurotically clean and organize their closet? My mother should be proud. . .and maybe a little concerned.

A neurotic can neither enjoy his illusions nor give them up.

-Mason Cooley

A Welcome Change

2005-03-15T17:56:00.000-08:00

bed

fireplace

Finally, after living in our new home for almost a year, we've made it to our bedroom. We went with a monochromatic theme with romantic touches. It's just so nice to put a fresh coat of paint up to make it your own. It's difficult to tell in the pictures, but the stripes on the wall are actually pearlescent. We just need a rug and a few more decor items and we'll move onto the next project!!

Blogs I thoroughly enjoy. . .

2005-03-08T12:42:00.000-08:00

Things I Hate About My Flatmate
Post Secret
Kristen's Sketch Blog
Ward-O-Matic

Oh la la!

2005-03-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

Mike and I had a great dinner on the balcony of Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris Casino. The food delectable and the atmosphere enchanting. . .it felt like we were on vacation. The picture is the fountains directly across the strip at Bellagio. I picked up tickets for me and my mom to see We Will Rock You on Easter Sunday, and made it home just in time to catch American Idol. Mario is so going to win!

Another Donation Dilemma

2005-03-07T15:49:00.000-08:00

So. . .I made a second attempt at donating blood, and was again unsuccessful. Even more pitiful than the first try, this time, I didn't even get to get stuck! My blood pressure was 75/49 (way too low to donate, or even function), so I was sent away, and none the less with free tickets to see Penn & Teller. I suppose I'll go back again, if not to be a good Samaritan, or because of the incessant calls from United Blood Services, but at least so I don't feel like a thief for getting free tickets.

Something New

2005-03-02T21:34:00.001-08:00

I can't really say why I did this. . . maybe I'm just bored, maybe there is no reason. At first I was afraid I would be sent home from work for disregarding the strict clothing and grooming guidelines, but in a twist of fate, my boss only complimented me on "my new color". . .maybe he's color blind? Anyway, it's just hair.

2005-03-02T21:34:00.000-08:00

My new color!!

2005-03-02T21:33:00.000-08:00

top side

Spring in Las Vegas

2005-03-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

We're just on the verge of Spring and I can hardly wait. . .the weather is perfectly enjoyable. Soon it will be sweltering and I can hardly wait to jump in the pool, but for now I'll relish in the sun-kissed afternoons and gentle evening breezes. I can't believe it's already March, I feel like the year has just began. . .or is it almost 1/4 over?

Man O Man!!

2005-01-31T20:09:00.000-08:00

. Is this not totally sick!! It's getting worse and I'm completely addicted to looking at it. I hope it goes away soon or people are going to start thinking I'm a junkie. Anyway, had a great weekend with my dad visiting...nothing too exciting...went to see the Aviator which was mostly odd.