This is obviously not a huge feat of photography, but it's taken all of the will that I have to post this picture of myself for Self Portrait Tuesday. I am about 4 months pregnant and on vacation in California. This was to be our last vacation as a couple.
I thouroughly enjoyed the short time that I was pregnant. I was content with my growing belly, whereas any other time I would be completely disgusted with myself. I didn't mind the backaches, nausea, or any of the other wonderful gifts of pregnancy. I was just so thrilled to be creating this miracle inside me. I was waiting every day, every moment to feel what I knew for sure was the baby moving.
Shortly after returning home from vacation, at 18 weeks, we lost our baby. It is truly difficult for me to even look at this picture, a million thoughts run through my mind. What would I look like now, in my third trimester, if I were still pregnant? What would my delivery have been like? What would we have named her? Would she have looked more like me, or Mike?
At the bottom of my barrel of thoughts is a grain of hope. I look at this picture and know that I will be pregnant again, that I will have all of those questions answered. I'm thankful that I have this one picture of my pregnant self, not that I could possibly need reminding, but to know that I really was pregnant because sometimes it all seems like a terribly tragic dream.
3 comments:
oh abby...thank you for your strength. putting your pain and hope out there takes so much. sharing your experience helps others not feel so alone, too.
i wish you so much luck and hope for the future.
hugs
I found your picture through SPT and wanted to read the whole story. I can imagine that this was a really hard picture to post. thanks for sharing your story. your honesty is wonderful.
I wanted to cry, just hear this and to see this picture. To know how special this all was for you and how very excited I was for you. I still am and know that you will soon have another. You'll fill that belly one day soon again. Just know an Angel came to see you for 18 weeks and then went back home wherne she belonged.
I love you Abby,
Pamela
Post a Comment